*Eighty-Seven Years*

Three years ago today my Grandpa Maupin passed away. I was with him, his wife and his children.I had just returned home from spending a year in Vietnam and I'm so thankful I got to see him one more time, got to tell him I loved him, got to be there with my Dad through that heartbreaking experience... To me it was awful to watch him take his last breath in that hospital room, but all in all he peacefully passed from earth to eternity. I had never seen someone die before, every time he took a deep breath I was terrified it'd be his last, and then he'd keep on breathing for a couple more hours, until one moment he really did take his last breath, it was almost a relief, but I was left with an emptiness, a finality. His life on earth was finished. My Grandma was a widow, my Dad and his brother and sisters would have to live the rest of their lives without their Dad. No more Father's days or birthdays, phone calls or hugs.. Only memories to live with. I have such beautiful memories of visiting Grandpa and his farm, playing in the hay and the creek, petting the goats, listening to stories of when my Dad was little etc. I miss all that. I miss my Grandpa. And I miss what could have been, I wanted him to be around for my future.. I'm so grateful for the 87 years he had though, for the people he influenced, for the legacy he left. I'm thankful for the 20 years I had to know him. He left behind his beautiful wife Ellen whom I love so much, he has 2 sons and 2 daughters, and many grandchildren and great grandchildren. I hope we're making him proud, I hope we carry on his name in an honoring way. My one regret is that I wish I had known him better, I wish I knew his favorite color, his greatest childhood memory, what it was like growing up in the 1920's and 30's, how many places did he visit etc. He was a private man, but if I could do it over I'd ask lots more questions, to have seen 87 years on this earth, he must have had lots of stories, memories, good times and bad... So if you still have your Grandpa and can go spend time with him, I'd encourage you to do that, sit at his feet and ask him about his life, let him know you're interested in the wisdom he has to share and the lessons he's learned along the way. I took my Grandparents for granted a lot, growing up I just thought they'd always be here. I praise the Lord that they were always there when I was a kid, that I didn't have to say goodbye until I was an adult and that I carry around those memories with me. And hopefully I still have more time with my other Grandparents and I pray I'll make the most of it. Death is a hard thing, but it teaches us to cherish the moments, because we never know how many we have left with the people we love. And too, it makes me think - what will I leave behind? if I die tomorrow, or 80 years from now... We all have choices to make, and my choices won't only affect me, they'll affect people around me, and the generation behind me etc. Your life can either hurt or help, you can live to bring glory to God or to yourself, what is it you want people to remember about your life when it's over? I love you and miss you Grandpa. Dad-I'm praying for you, and I love you.

*James Elsworth Maupin August 15th 1921 - July 3rd 2009




*With all my heart* ~Rissa

*Seen & Unseen*

I haven't written in over a month but no news is good news I guess :) I'm doing well. In some ways it seems that a lot has happened the last 5 weeks but in other ways I can't think of what has happened or how to write about it. I've been regularly attending a church in Pessac and enjoying getting to know the people there. Everyone is very kind and I'm thankful for the body of Christ no matter where I am. My roommate Anna and I have a Bible study at our apartment on Saturday evenings and that's been a blessing. There are usually at least 1 or 2 other young women that attend! We're studying the book of James, I've read it many times but am learning lots more this time around, so much wisdom written in scripture, I love it! The more I choose to read it the more I hunger for it. I'm no longer taking a formal French course but my friend Abi has graciously taken the time to give me French lessons, in exchange for guitar lessons :D We have so much fun together. We're both learning! I think learning a language is similar to learning an instrument in the way of if you're actually going to get anywhere, you have to want to do it, you have to be dedicated to actually working at it and practicing it, and you need someone who tells you it is possible :) And where the scary part comes in is actually showing people what you've learned, using it all for God's glory, not worried about your own. (preaching to myself right now haha). Anyway - the Cole's are doing well, they have been such a blessing! I've known them only a little over a year but the impact is sure to be lifelong, no doubt! Michael & Liz constantly take the time to just sit and talk with me and are always making sure I'm well, letting me stay for dinner etc. The kids are my favorite thing about France :) They have so much joy and enthusiasm and I just love it! Spending time with them, helping care for them etc. it's teaching me so much and always brings a smile to my heart, God knew what He was doing when He brought us together :) Summer is just beginning here in France, some days it's really warm other days it cools off a ton again, so I never quite know what to expect. I've had some time off this month and have gotten to see some neat things around Bordeaux (Dune de Pilat; Lacanau beach; Public Garden; etc.) I enjoy riding the tram; seeing cultural differences here and there; meeting new people etc. Life is not always easy but there are adventures to be had and I think it's my choice whether I focus on the negative things going on or the positive. There are always both, no matter what country you live in... Speaking of countries, my family members are all back in the US! Meridith & Jason have been back for some time now and are awaiting the arrival of my brand new Niece or Nephew any time now!! Though my heart still aches at not being with my sister through this, I know the Lord has a time for me to get to meet the baby, and it will be special and unforgettable no matter when that is. Rachel got back from Australia just a few days ago and I'm excited about getting to hear more of her stories.

I'm praying about the possibility of flying home for a couple weeks this summer. The tentative plan is August but there are several factors going into it so I'm waiting and praying for wisdom. Please pray with me, that I'll make the best choices and God would give clear direction etc. Please also pray for my Grandma. She's not doing very well and I think she wants to go home to be with the Lord and my Grandpa. I understand her desire, and I want that for her.. But I'll miss her if she goes now, I want many more years with her! Just asking for the Lord's will to be done, and grace for those of us left behind.. I'm thankful for the special time she and I had together before I came to France.

*{But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit}

*{So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal}

2 Corinthians 3:16-18;4:18

~I'm gonna need You~

So... I often long to be a person that is always happy, always smiling, always completely focused on the positive side of life. But I'm not. My view of things is basically like a roller coaster. That's why one of my favorite verses is Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. That's great news! No matter how my feelings, outlook, or attitude change - I can go to Him and He'll be the same. When I'm overjoyed about something - Jesus has joy, just like He always does. When I'm horribly sad or disappointed about something - Jesus is there to comfort me and teach me, just like He always is. When plans change unexpectedly, when sad things happen, when people confuse me, etc. etc. etc. Jesus is who He's always been. Even His love for me doesn't change! When I sin, or fail, or complain, or walk away, no matter what I do He still loves me like the day I was born :)
Things have been hard the past several weeks. I was beyond excited to see my sister and her husband and have them here in France with me for several days, their not able to come now. My new best friend here that I've gotten close to over the past couple months is leave to go home to England soon. My best friend back at home is going off to boot camp in a few weeks. I can only see my sister's baby belly in pictures, I can't put my hand there to feel my niece or nephew move, I can't be there for the baby showers, decorations and birth... I'll never even have a picture of me with her while she was pregnant...

*For the Lord comforts His people and will have compassion on His afflicted ones (Isaiah 49:13)

I won't ignore the pain and become hardened. I won't act like I don't care or that these things don't matter to me. I won't pretend to be happy every moment I'm here.

I was getting confused the other day, arguing with myself that I'm supposed to be happy, it's a fruit of the spirit so why am I not portraying joyfulness?? But joy is really: *a source or cause of delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated. I can't/won't always FEEL happy. But my SOURCE of Joy is always there and always the same. My cause of delight is Jesus. He is what I greatly value no matter what's going on around me. And maybe He's teaching me through these things to make sure HE is what I value above all else.
The songs I sing, do I really believe them? That HE is my all in all. That HE is more than enough. That I will serve HIM with all I am.

I just remembered a song I used to listen to a lot and the lyrics are so perfect right now!...

{I'm running back to Your promises, one more time,
Lord that’s all I can hold on to.
I’ve got to say this has taken me, by surprise,
But nothing surprises You.
Before a heartache, can ever touch my life
It has to go through Your hands.
And even though I keep asking why...
No matter what, I’m gonna love You
No matter what, I’m gonna need You
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not - I’ll trust You,
No matter what.
When I’m stuck in this nothingness, by myself
I’m just sitting in silence
There’s no way I can make it, without Your help
I won’t even try it.
I know You have Your reasons, for everything
So I will keep believing.
Whatever I might be feeling
God You are my hope, and You’ll be my strength.
Anything I don’t have, You can give it to me
But it’s OK if You don’t.
I’m not here for those things,
The touch of Your love is enough on its own.
No matter what, I’m gonna love You
No matter what, I’m gonna need You,
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain,
But if not - I’ll trust You
No matter what.} (Kerrie Roberts)




<3, Carissa

"Faking a smile with a coffee to-go"

I've been humming the tune to "bad day" lol and no it's not because it's Friday the 13th. Yesterday was one of those days where I wished multiple times I could have a redo, or rather just forget it happened... It started with the dreaded realization that either my alarm clock is not working correctly or I slept right through it because I'm late for work! Thankfully wasn't too late and the Cole's were very kind; and everyone still made it to their classes etc. I was feeling pretty okay about my last French class, ready to get my final exam over with. I wasn't too nervous and my Tuesday night exam had went rather well I felt like. But this one... We started out having to read a dialog between two people and then there were 3 pages of questions to answer. Then my teacher wrote 4 words, under 2 categories and we were supposed to conjugate the verbs in different ways and I don't know what happened but I totally blanked... and when I told her I didn't understand she explained again (everything is totally in French keep in mind) and by this point I had gotten pretty nervous and a little upset, AND everyone in the class had finished and left except for me and 2 guys. So by the time I finally kind of understood what I was supposed to be writing on my blank piece of paper I didn't get very far before she came over and told us an hour was enough and we were done :( All week I'd been telling myself it wasn't a huge deal so I was surprised at how upset I felt about the whole thing. My teacher seemed frustrated and disappointed, and I was frustrated and disappointed.. And I was upset that I was going to leave my last class feeling that way. I had wanted to feel victorious and free, not to mention smarter; and speaking French like a pro :) Okay so yeah maybe my expectations were a little high :) But we all have those moments don't we? Where one thing we didn't do quite right triggers reminders of everything else we haven't done or can't seem to ever get right... The fact that I had overslept that morning, yes it was the first time of being late since being here, but it's the 100th time in my life, why do I still struggle? Why am I not good at tests? Why can I only speak 1 language? Why am I not consistent in the areas I need to be? Why do I want to overeat and not work out? Why do I let the things people say bother me and get me down? Why do I feel insecure about who I am based on other people's actions? After I got back from class I grabbed my little ipod shuffle and put on my running shoes and decided to just run... I just kept going until I felt I couldn't go anymore (but then I had to walk all the way back haha). During the 2 hours of running/walking/thinking/praying/listening to my inspiring music :) God taught me lots of stuff! I'm still processing all of it but I think the gist is that my life is between me and Him, it doesn't matter what someone thinks my motives are because He sees my heart, He knows. It doesn't matter if someone is better or smarter than me. That's not what's important. Reminds me of the JJ Heller song - what love really means:
{{I will love you for you
Not for what you have done
Or what you will become
I will love you for you}}
I just need to realize that yes I mess up, and I will continue to make mistakes or "fail" at things that I want to succeed in. But I have a relationship with the One who gave us all the gift of amazing grace! And I have promises in scripture that assure me that God will use me, despite my inability to live up to my standards or anyone else's... All I have to offer the Lord is me. So I will continue on, asking Him to help me give Him my best each day. One day at a time/one circumstance at a time/no matter what.
~Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6~
{{Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun}}

<3 Rissa

*Counting Blessings*

{O Lord, I will honor and praise Your name, for You are my God. You do such wonderful things!~Isaiah 25:1}
*Hello April! Hello 3 month anniversary (in France)! Hello 23! Hello spring! I'm not sure how March went by so fast, I was trying to hold onto it but it just went right on by :) I guess the saying time flies when you're having fun definitely applies. My 23rd birthday happened in March and I got the most wonderful gift!! My friend Jenny came to visit! And unbeknownst to me my brother had been planning for months to come along! I was SO surprised when I went to the airport to Pick Jenny up and Kyle walked around the corner! My happy state of shock lasted the whole 6 days they were here in France :) We had a blast! They went to my french class with me, we spent time seeing Paris, they visited church, etc. We celebrated Viviane's 5th birthday on the 18th, and my birthday on the 19th! Viviane & Adeline loved Kyle & Jenny so much!! The morning I took them back to the airport I don't know how I drove home because I was crying so hard. It's hard to grow up and have to realize that God's plans often call us to go separate ways, at least for a time. But I was and still am forever grateful that they flew so far to spend just a week with me, to make my birthday beyond special and to bring me hugs from home. God knew I needed that time with them. The fun adventures/long talks/getting to share a part of my life here with two people that mean so much to me, it was a huge blessing that I'll never forget or take for granted! As I'm getting older and I start to think that birthdays don't mean as much anymore I'm always convinced otherwise :) Seems like each birthday gets better and the surprises are bigger and the adventures more grand! This birthday caused me to think back on a birthday 3 years ago that I also spent in another country far away from home; when my 2 sisters came and spent 10 days with me in Vietnam!! SO many great memories and wonderful stories! It feels weird to be 23 because I'm not where I thought I would be at this age, in many ways.. But I'm constantly realizing that God knows better than I/His plans are better than mine/His ways and thoughts are higher than mine.. He holds the big picture and I don't need to see it now.

*On January 31st I had my first French class at DEFLE=(DÉPARTEMENT D'ETUDES DE FRANÇAIS LANGUE ETRANGÈRE). Since then I've had 50 hours of French class! Never having gone to school before (I've always been home-schooled and have yet to attend college) this has been a very difficult experience for me, everything was new - classroom atmosphere, classmates, professors, taking notes, lots of homework etc. etc. Did I mention the class is entirely in French? :) The teachers do not speak English to you and prefer you do not speak it to them either haha so my first school experience has been a little intimidating to say the least! But I will be forever grateful to the Cole's for giving me this opportunity! I did not come here with the sole purpose of learning French but I am now able to continue studying the language on my own and have the chance to really learn and be able to converse with the people I'll meet here. Through this experience I have been challenged in so many ways. I've grown closer to the Lord, knowing that He can take me beyond my limits, beyond where my fears would have me stop. When I want to say no and quit, when I'm too afraid, too selfish, think I'm not able, or whatever it is holding me back, He takes my hand and says keep going, "Fear not, for I am with you" (Isaiah 43:5a). So yes - language school has been a blessing! It's also great to know that I've been given a picture of what missionaries go through to learn a language; it's given me more compassion for people that are learning any language for the first time (including when I'm teaching children who are learning their own language!). I have two exams next week and then I'll be finished with my course, I'm a little nervous/curious to see what the exams are like and how I'll do but I know there's not really any pressure to make a certain grade; but I do hope I've used the time well and learned enough to continue on in my own personal study of the language.

*The kids - Have I mentioned lately that I LOVE being a Nanny?! I do! It's funny because I thought everyone must want to be a nanny but I'm meeting lots of people who say they wouldn't really like it, go figure?? I can't understand, but I guess that's just reality :) I feel like I have 9 children = my first nanny job I had 3, my second I had 2, my third I had 1, and now I have 3 :) My heart so badly misses the kids I'm not with any longer and I cherish my memories of them. The kids I have now are great, Viviane and I loved almost sharing a birthday, we got so excited about everything - the gifts, the people, the special foods etc. She's going to preschool and is picking up French words constantly, I love that we're on the same level of French and can learn from each other :) Adeline is brilliant, she's the smartest 2 year old ever, talks all the time and loves life. I love spending my days with her, we read books, do arts and crafts, have Bible time, singing time etc. We've started watching "Franklin" (the animated turtle) in French so we can learn new french words together :) When my brother Kyle was here Adeline decided to nickname him "Taco" haha she makes me laugh many many times a day. Mathieu is 6 months old now and is super adorable! He's such a happy baby! I love watching him grow, it's fascinating how quickly he's changing and learning new things!
Towards the end of this month I'll be going to a mission conference in another area of France to be the childcare provider for 4 days, I'm excited for the opportunity to meet more missionary families and to have a group of kids to teach and do activities with!

*Friends - I'd been asking God for some friends here in France. Especially after the time spent with my best friend and brother from home I realized even more how lonely I'd been feeling and how even though I enjoy my days with the kids it's great to go out sometimes, to just do random fun things with people my age. God has answered this prayer in multiple ways! Through having an English Sunday school started I've gotten to know some of the young people from church better the past several weeks; And I've become good friends with 2 girls from England that are here 'til June. We've started hanging out a couple times a week and we just talk and talk! I've gotten to see a little more of Bordeaux as well! I also have a roommate with a strong love for the Lord and missions; and the Cole's treat me like family! Michael & Liz are great company, great cooks, great friends and role models! The people in the Church here are also so kind and loving, even with my extreme lack of French speaking skills I feel loved and accepted as a sister in Christ. I miss my family, friends, and church family back home every single day but God is faithful to meet all my needs.

*I'll leave you for now with a few quotes from Jim Elliot:
“Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living.”
"Lord, make my way prosperous not that I achieve high station, but that my life be an exhibit to the value of knowing God.”
“The will of God is always a bigger thing than we bargain for, but we must believe that whatever it involves, it is good, acceptable and perfect.”
“He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.”
“Forgive me for being so ordinary while claiming to know so extraordinary a God.”
“Wherever you are, be all there! Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.”
“Oh, the fullness, pleasure, sheer excitement of knowing God on earth!”

*Please pray for everyone here - that we will surrender each day to God and die to ourselves and live fully alive in Him..
*Please pray for my parents, brothers, and sisters - we're all in different seasons of life with different struggles and joys..

*I'll write again soon! Thanks for reading :) Happy Easter!!! So excited that our Lord did not stay on the cross nor in the grave, He rose and is alive today, in me!!!


In His Hands,
Rissa

Wholly devoted?

Would I really abandon it all?? When I can't fully understand God, or His word... If I were one of those fishermen in new testament times and Jesus came and said follow me. Would I, with reckless abandon go? Can't get this song out of my head, an old, Stephen Curtis Chapman song:

Nobody stood and applauded them
So they knew from the start
This road would not lead to fame
All they really knew for sure was Jesus had called to them
He said "Come follow me" and they came
With reckless abandon they came
Empty nets lying there at the waters edge
Told a story that few could believe and none could explain
How some crazy fishermen agreed to go where Jesus lead
With no thought for what they would gain
For Jesus had called them by name and they answered

[Chorus:]
We will abandon it all for the sake of the call
No other reason at all but the sake of the call
Wholly devoted to live and to die
For the sake of the call

Drawn like the rivers are drawn to the sea
No turning back for the water cannot help but flow
Once we hear the Savior's call we'll follow wherever he leads
Because of the love He has shown
And because he has called us to go we will answer

We will abandon it all for the sake of the call
No other reason at all but the sake of the call
Wholly devoted to live and to die

[Bridge:]
Not for the sake of a creed or a cause
Not for a dream or a promise
Simply because it is Jesus who calls
And if we believe we'll obey


Yes I left my family to come here because it's what God called me to do. Yes it's hard. But still I hold onto so much... Am I truly willing to abandon it all, not for a dream or a promise, with no thought of what I might gain?... I don't know, this is totally a spur of the moment post (I should probably be sleeping).. But I just wonder - do I think I'm sacrificing things, surrendering things, but really I'm still holding onto them? What about the things He hasn't asked me to give up. Yet.

And another thing! My brother is a Marine and I kind of joked about joining him in the military, but it's no laughing matter. War is serious, you can't go in unprepared. You have to be taught, armed, attentive and obedient. You can't be lazy. So why do I think it's okay to be lazy in the Spiritual battle? I'm a soldier in God's army, Satan wants me on his side, and really he wants to destroy me, or at least make sure I'm not making a difference for God! When I get up day after day and choose to live for myself and ignore spending time with the Lord etc. - that's not okay! I'm called to "be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." (Ephesians 6:10-18)

...Just thinking "out loud"! If you're reading this - I love you and am praying for you!! :)

{Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel~Eph.6:19}

In His Hands,
Carissa

~Through the Cold~

"Whatever You have commanded us we will do, and wherever You send us we will go"~Joshua 1:16

I'd like to be like a flower poking through the snow - stubborn and determined to bring glory to it's Creator despite the cold and all the things trying to destroy it...

Some areas of France are beautiful.. Some not so much.. Some people in France are beyond kind, friendly, loving, & shining with the light of Christ... Others not so much.. It's the same with anywhere you live as a Christian, your surroundings can feel dark, lonely, and sad.. We're always going against the flow, longing to get somewhere, to make a difference for Jesus. I often end the day feeling frustrated - that I haven't learned more French, haven't made many friends, haven't told anyone about my Savior.. Then I'll start my day in frustration - because I didn't get up when I planned, my hair doesn't look the way I want it to, my abilities are small compared to my tasks etc. As I sit here thinking on all these things I realize I stay annoyed at myself because I'm the only one I'm focused on. And yes I'm the only one I CAN work on or change or have "control" of, but being self-centered is such a miserable way to live. What a confusing balance I'm looking for! To focus on changing ME and becoming more like Christ, who didn't focus on Himself but others around Him, and pleasing His Father... While I'm also trying to not focus on ME but on helping others and telling others and loving others... How does this work??
Once, when I was a teenager my Mom was teaching the youth class at church and she gave us all a little yellow card that said "I'm 3rd". I was taught to put God First, Others Second, and Myself Third. So maybe this is what I should be learning, again.. That yes I need to concentrate on me and realizing my own sin and need for Jesus, and need for change in my life. But focusing more on God and His glory. And on others and their needs - for love and God's Word etc.
So as my cheesy thoughts of flowers and snow go... while I'm asking for that determination to continue trying to live for Jesus, I need to remember to look over and realize there are many other "flowers" trying to stand in the cold too, and there are many that are buried completely under the snow and don't even realize there's a way out..

So maybe I won't be quite so frustrated if I choose to remember that God's 1st, others are 2nd, and I'm 3rd.