Wholly devoted?

Would I really abandon it all?? When I can't fully understand God, or His word... If I were one of those fishermen in new testament times and Jesus came and said follow me. Would I, with reckless abandon go? Can't get this song out of my head, an old, Stephen Curtis Chapman song:

Nobody stood and applauded them
So they knew from the start
This road would not lead to fame
All they really knew for sure was Jesus had called to them
He said "Come follow me" and they came
With reckless abandon they came
Empty nets lying there at the waters edge
Told a story that few could believe and none could explain
How some crazy fishermen agreed to go where Jesus lead
With no thought for what they would gain
For Jesus had called them by name and they answered

[Chorus:]
We will abandon it all for the sake of the call
No other reason at all but the sake of the call
Wholly devoted to live and to die
For the sake of the call

Drawn like the rivers are drawn to the sea
No turning back for the water cannot help but flow
Once we hear the Savior's call we'll follow wherever he leads
Because of the love He has shown
And because he has called us to go we will answer

We will abandon it all for the sake of the call
No other reason at all but the sake of the call
Wholly devoted to live and to die

[Bridge:]
Not for the sake of a creed or a cause
Not for a dream or a promise
Simply because it is Jesus who calls
And if we believe we'll obey


Yes I left my family to come here because it's what God called me to do. Yes it's hard. But still I hold onto so much... Am I truly willing to abandon it all, not for a dream or a promise, with no thought of what I might gain?... I don't know, this is totally a spur of the moment post (I should probably be sleeping).. But I just wonder - do I think I'm sacrificing things, surrendering things, but really I'm still holding onto them? What about the things He hasn't asked me to give up. Yet.

And another thing! My brother is a Marine and I kind of joked about joining him in the military, but it's no laughing matter. War is serious, you can't go in unprepared. You have to be taught, armed, attentive and obedient. You can't be lazy. So why do I think it's okay to be lazy in the Spiritual battle? I'm a soldier in God's army, Satan wants me on his side, and really he wants to destroy me, or at least make sure I'm not making a difference for God! When I get up day after day and choose to live for myself and ignore spending time with the Lord etc. - that's not okay! I'm called to "be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." (Ephesians 6:10-18)

...Just thinking "out loud"! If you're reading this - I love you and am praying for you!! :)

{Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel~Eph.6:19}

In His Hands,
Carissa

~Through the Cold~

"Whatever You have commanded us we will do, and wherever You send us we will go"~Joshua 1:16

I'd like to be like a flower poking through the snow - stubborn and determined to bring glory to it's Creator despite the cold and all the things trying to destroy it...

Some areas of France are beautiful.. Some not so much.. Some people in France are beyond kind, friendly, loving, & shining with the light of Christ... Others not so much.. It's the same with anywhere you live as a Christian, your surroundings can feel dark, lonely, and sad.. We're always going against the flow, longing to get somewhere, to make a difference for Jesus. I often end the day feeling frustrated - that I haven't learned more French, haven't made many friends, haven't told anyone about my Savior.. Then I'll start my day in frustration - because I didn't get up when I planned, my hair doesn't look the way I want it to, my abilities are small compared to my tasks etc. As I sit here thinking on all these things I realize I stay annoyed at myself because I'm the only one I'm focused on. And yes I'm the only one I CAN work on or change or have "control" of, but being self-centered is such a miserable way to live. What a confusing balance I'm looking for! To focus on changing ME and becoming more like Christ, who didn't focus on Himself but others around Him, and pleasing His Father... While I'm also trying to not focus on ME but on helping others and telling others and loving others... How does this work??
Once, when I was a teenager my Mom was teaching the youth class at church and she gave us all a little yellow card that said "I'm 3rd". I was taught to put God First, Others Second, and Myself Third. So maybe this is what I should be learning, again.. That yes I need to concentrate on me and realizing my own sin and need for Jesus, and need for change in my life. But focusing more on God and His glory. And on others and their needs - for love and God's Word etc.
So as my cheesy thoughts of flowers and snow go... while I'm asking for that determination to continue trying to live for Jesus, I need to remember to look over and realize there are many other "flowers" trying to stand in the cold too, and there are many that are buried completely under the snow and don't even realize there's a way out..

So maybe I won't be quite so frustrated if I choose to remember that God's 1st, others are 2nd, and I'm 3rd.